march 11th 2019

lady at the bar roasted me about my overalls and asked if i clean gutters for a living

then asked me to roast her back but i told her i’m a positive person and she bought me a drink

february 23rd 2019

guy at plaid pantry lets me use the employee bathroom through the back of the store and the managers office and i feel so thankful. i get lost in the dark on my way back to the big beautiful house

january 31st 2019

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january 22nd 2019

blissfully eating a $4 sandwich outside of the corner store with my eyes closed

a woman named quincy asked if it was okay to smoke a cigarette near me

she was in town for business and very outgoing 

and reaffirmed my joy of getting to indulge in a specific craving

even if in the moment that meant a cheap premade deli sandwich  

i recommended her some good sushi places to try 

but i forgot to tell her about the best one and regretted it

my mom told me shes been sleeping better and dreaming more lately

january 20th 2019

a few podcasts change my life and become my best friend every year since 2016 and this year it is “the joe budden podcast”

january 16th 2019

right as i was walking into the liquor store i heard a man on the phone say “thank you mom, i love you, sleep well”

and when i walked inside of the store they were playing “best friend” by 50 cent 

january 4th 2019

rearranged my bedroom at 2 in the morning and an hour later i hear from the street right below my window “put the gun down” over and over

january 2nd 2019

i was walking home behind a guy on the street that would walk forward 10 steps and then start walking backwards for a few steps and dancing a little bit and then start walking forward again and he repeated this process the whole time i was behind him

january 1st 2019

talking to my neighbors on the patio about its always sunny in philadelphia and laundry

january 1st 2019

i started 2018 in a chevron station bathroom and started 2019 at a karaoke bar/chinese restaurant

december 27th 2018

how did i end up this way?

december 26th 2018

got a pill stuck in my chest this morning thought i may be having a heart attack eventually it went away and i slept for 8 hours and woke up around 1 pm, not good but fine

december 11th 2018

inviting friends over just for the sole purpose of showing them the song “mia khalifa” by ilovefriday

december 4th 2018

had a dream that i told one of my coworkers about another dream i had and it helped them fix their relationship and it made them like me (i feel like they hate me in real life) 

later on in the dream i just remember being in a giant mostly empty auditorium but it was the size of an nfl stadium and had a glass ceiling and i went backstage to look for a ghost and it was really dark back there

the dream ended with me getting chased on a football field by ja rule except he had short dreads 

december 1st 2018

while waiting for an uber to work i saw a car get towed, heard a crow bark like a dog, and two guys walked by reciting “ram ranch”

november 21st 2018

chewed up wad of gum stuck to the bus window looks like a human brain

november 10th 2018

I’m sorry i slept in the other room on your birthday

i didn’t wanna wake you up

november 10th 2018

sweet hawaiian bread hot dog roll, apple butter, bacon, and scrambled eggs sandwich

november 7th 2018

trying to improve and change since “the big mac fiasco” 

october 31st 2018

went to a halloween party in the middle of nowhere tonight and one of the people at the house had a tattoo gun and i got a tattoo of a strawberry on my shoulder but it looks more like a funny potato/strawberry mashup

had a good night tho

got to eat some totinos pizza rolls (a staple of my middle school/high school life)

update: the next day while i was waiting outside for an uber to work i saw the person who gave me a tattoo drive by and they waved. i had never met or seen them in my life before last night. strange coincidence

october 31st 2018

i am sitting at my desk for the first time since moving into this apartment and i can see people outside walking around with their halloween costumes on…there’s something special about today  

october 30th 2018

spent the last 5 days in seattle with my mom and decided i’d rent a car so i could drive back to oregon instead of taking the bus or train. it’s about a 3 hour drive and i stopped halfway through the trip at a restaurant called “country cousin” in centralia, washington. i’ve seen it a few times before when doing this drive but never went in. i had a slice of pumpkin pie and 2 bud lights. i love this place

october 29th 2018

my mom said i have “cupid lips”

had some good pasta bolognese and red wine at dinner they went together well

october 28th 2019

my older brother said he used to go and stand in a shallow part of lake washington at night with his eyes closed and listen to the album “wake up…it’s tomorrow” by strawberry alarm clock

october 21st 2018

went to a corn maze earlier this month and watched “children of the corn” tonight

october 21st 2018

do i want to die? a little bit, but mostly not. i have big plans for tomorrow. and i’m excited for the future

october 16th 2018

life as an adult is only worth living for reasons such as beer, sports, spending time with your parents, getting haircuts, seeing new things, raising kids, buying furniture and massages + other “spa day” related activities

october 15th 2018

this morning i walked past the receptionist from the eye doctors office that i go to. she was standing absentmindedly on the sidewalk staring upwards into a library window or possibly just at a tree with changing leaves

october 8th 2018

today it feels like a nice october day, i can see the big tall pink building outside of my window surrounded by fog. yesterday i listened to the new sheck wes ‘mudboy’ album while cleaning the kitchen and went to a kikagaku moyo show and then billy rays dive bar afterwards which is my favorite place in the world. since moving i hadn’t been there in almost a month. it was nice to see some old friends and just felt great to be back there although i drank too much, which was stupid and not good for my heart…need to be better! also, i am going to be working almost everyday this week at my new job. i’ve done three training shifts so far and starting to become more comfortable now

october 4th 2018

first day at my new job! going to be a server at a retirement community. hoping it goes well

october 3rd 2018

fontina cheese dipped in apple cider vinegar

october 1st 2018

went to a doctors appointment yesterday and afterwards while i was waiting for public transit to arrive so i could go home, i went to this park right next to where the train stops because i saw leaves were falling in abundance from the trees, but not just leaves, apples too. apples were dropping down every second like rain and i was trying to take some pictures of everything that was going on and avoid getting hit in the head by a falling apple at the same time. they were definitely dropping from high enough to leave a bruise! it was a great introduction to october and i had a good day overall despite my arm being sore from getting a tetanus shot and losing in fantasy football by 1 point for the second straight week

september 30th 2018

if i was rich i would be going to the emergency room constantly

september 30th 2018

i had a dream that i won some sort of comedy video contest and the prize was that drake (champagnepapi) followed my instagram account and i was the only person that he was following

september 29th 2018

first time to winco today since probably 2014…it’s more like a theme park than a grocery store…just incredible…sensory overload! rented a zipcar and went there, as well as goodwill, and uwajimaya. at goodwill i got a bunch of halloween decorations, some movies on vhs, two sweatshirts that i didn’t try on and ended up not fitting, plus a ‘nightstand’ type piece of furniture to put my tv on (only $10 for that). picked up lots of groceries from winco (including ‘beyond’ burgers!) and got some vermont curry from uwajimaya plus a bunch of snacks, gyoza, and milk tea. great day! it was nice to drive around at night in a more suburban area through dark winding roads and trees and big grocery store parking lots. a lot of the most special memories of growing up for me were driving around in places like that

september 26th 2018

moved to a new apartment and got a new job at a retirement community and a ‘warm apple pie” candle i am excited for the last few months of the year and hopefully a special and growing period of my life

september 26th 2018

feeling sad looking at google street view of my hometown and the neighborhoods i grew up in and just missing middle school and high school 

i used to wear shorts everyday even in the winter and someone i knew would ask me to burn them cd’s (i remember once they asked for a cobra starship album) and i would do it and give them the cd’s when i got on the bus in the morning and bring big bags of candy to school and hand them out to random people in the hallway

the bus stop..

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september 23rd 2018

awake at 8:47 A.M. listening to a fishing show on the radio waiting for the nfl games to start at 10 A.M. (football sunday always feels like christmas morning) and my mom has been visiting since Friday it has been so amazing to see her and spend time with her 

september 22nd 2018

i wonder what the world would be like if everyone was as passionate and expressive as a live television studio audience

september 21st 2018

seeing kanye west post a hologram coming out of a iPhone with his album cover made me sort of excited for the future and living for awhile longer  

september 21st 2018

buttercup (the cat) was playing with a grocery bag and accidentally got the handle stuck around her neck and then got scared and sprinted around the apartment while all of the trash that was inside the bag fell out and scattered everywhere it’s 8:57 a.m. 

september 20th 2018

feeling very inspired tonight mostly because of baker mayfield and having a friend over to my new apartment for the first time

september 16th 2018

i love how bright and warm and exciting a department store feels. walking around city target felt comforting and fun 

september 7th 2018

relaxing with my first ever can of busch non-alcoholic beer

september 7th 2018

if anyone is reading this, listen to "watching movies with the sound off" album by mac miller, especially if you haven't before. he was a beautiful artist and seemingly an incredible person, who i was very inspired by, and correlate certain memories of my life to his music. if you can have a positive impact on such a large amount of people, you've absolutely fulfilled your job on earth!! you are in heaven now! thank you for your time here, wish there could've been more

september 7th 2018

sort of feeling depression and dread...missing the hospital...like a stockholm syndrome type thing maybe 

september 6th 2018

first nfl regular season game of the year today! eagles vs. falcons. i don't particularly love either of those teams, but my brother and i put nelson agholor in our starting fantasy lineup because he's gonna be on tv. life is all about healthy euphoria and watching an nfl game that one of your fantasy players is playing in is one of the greatest for me

september 6th 2018

spent four days in the hospital, three of them i slept there. i started off in the emergency room around 4 pm and got wheeled to the actual hospital around 8 pm that night. having someone push you around the hospital when you are laying in bed is a feeling that i love. i wish you could pay $10 to get pushed around the entire campus for an hour. 

my room had a tv, a bathroom, a bed, a chair, and a small nook near the window with enough space to lay down. it was almost like a tiny studio apartment, but with a nurse that checks in on you every hour or so. i got three meals a day from a small menu…hospital food is one of my favorite types of food so that was an exciting part. my three favorite items were the hamburger, the breakfast burrito, and the blueberry cobbler. 

in the hospital i was diagnosed with atrial fibrillation. it makes sense, although i always just thought i had asthma. my life is going to be different now but i am glad to be alive at all! its funny because my life is actually going to be better in a few ways!! i have to quit my bad habits or else… i’ll probably get a stroke or have heart failure…now that’s some good motivation! 

september 1st 2018

first day of september...i am really craving a COSTCO HOT DOG!!! 

august 27th 2018

feeling very inspired by "country western" imagery at the moment

august 26th 2018

made linguini and clams with white wine sauce for dinner tonight...best dish i've probably ever made!!! excited about cooking and trying to improve

made linguini a couple days ago as well with olive oil, butter, bell pepper, tomato, garlic, onion, black olives, mozzarella and avocado

 

what can i say...i love linguini....the stuff is good!!!!

august 26th 2018

my brother and i's fantasy football draft is today!! yesssss!!! yes! 

august 25th 2018

walked to sushiland yesterday but they had a power outage so we went to applebees instead and drank some $1 strawberry margaritas. then walked down the street to a different sushi place and it happened to be the best sushi i've had all year...and even cheaper than sushiland!! it's called "sushi ohana" i forgot to get seared salmon though which i am really frustrated about and having trouble letting it go. seared salmon is my #1 favorite food 

august 22nd 2018

billy rays dive bar really changed my life 

august 21st 2018

the preview screens on the "big buck hunter" arcade game at the bar are the most beautiful thing i've ever seen

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august 20th 2018

smoke from the wildfires looks like fog at night and the moon looks like an orange

august 15th 2018

roaming around google maps street view in chicago trying to find chief keef

august 14th 2018

cooked a “beyond” burger (the best vegan burger) just a few minutes ago while listening to bill simmons podcast… the burger was so delicious and i have been feeling pretty good since first putting it on the stove

august 10th 2018

i lost $60 playing slot machines at the casino but it was euphoric and sort of funny so its fine

august 9th 2018

spent an hour in traffic because the side of the road was on fire

august 4th 2018

walking thru the safeway parking lot after work the sun was beaming down on me it felt like a warm bath i was feeling really good for those 10 seconds!! 

august 3rd 2018

peeling garlic with open cuts on my finger 

eating raw garlic hurts but its good for you

august 3rd 2018

got a haircut today and felt embarrassed about it as usual so i took an uber home instead of the bus. after not talking for 5 minutes, right as he is pulling up to my apartment, the driver says out of nowhere "do you know how old barack obama is?" 

august 2nd 2018

watched the original blair witch project movie tonight for the first time in full and it changed my life

august 2nd 2018

first nfl preseason game of the year! i only have basic cable (channels 2 through 13) but luckily it was on nbc so i got to watch it on tv! now the game is over and this infomercial is on with paul mccartney doing some sort of benefit concert

july 28th 2018

the miami heat' "vice city" alternate jersey is most beautiful jersey in all of sports

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july 25th 2018

almost fell asleep on the bus today for the first time in awhile

july 24th 2018

43 days until the nfl season officially starts i cant wait for dark at 5 pm rainy days meanwhile its going to be 99 degrees on sunday but i will try to enjoy it like you enjoy a sauna. going to have some japanese "vermont" curry for dinner tonight which i love. just trying to keep it positive. it was around 2 dollars for the whole box (12 servings) 

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july 24th 2018

big storm grey clouds swallow me nothing hurts as much as growing up

july 17th 2018

the ikea cafeteria is literally my ideal restaurant 

july 15th 2018

strawberry shortcake ice cream bars

otter pops

gyoza 

packets of instant miso soup 

now thats summertime

july 14th 2018

my mom told me on the phone about a dream she had last night where it was her and i in a house and a lion got into the house and was trying to attack us but she yelled at the lion and it went away

july 14th 2018

my dream ended last night in this tiny german restaurant with a tiny menu i can’t remember what i ordered but i woke up before i could get it. i remember chicken and waffles was on the menu but i didn’t order that 

july 13th 2018

i never want it to end

july 13th 2018

i want to stay awake forever as long as i'm feeling good forever

july 13th 2018

https://www.reddit.com/r/Ice_Poseidon/nba

july 5th 2018

my goals before this year ends are to learn/get better at: Italian, ASL, and embroidary

july 3rd 2018

just walked to the store and the sky was so beautiful the sun was setting and the clouds were pink looked like racing stripes or a striped shirt and people were passing by on bikes and someone was sitting in a parked car playing a j dilla type beat it felt like a funny dream. but i didn't bring any cameras or a cell phone so just wanted to document it i feel happy to be alive. gonna watch tracksuit andy's livestream in the kitchen now and cook

july 3rd 2018

cristiano ronaldo is like my name but with o's at the end

july 2nd 2018 

watching a bootleg sportscenter livestream on the computer with my cat laying next to me 

july 1st 2018

i wish my constant stomachaches wouldn’t ruin so many special memories i wish i wasn’t debilitated half the time!! but i am thankful to be alive at all and things could be worse too! 

june 28th 2018

morgan and i had breakfast at a place down the street before her flight we had mimosas and she got a waffle eggs and bacon and i got a roasted chicken omelette and grits and we took a walk around the neighborhood 

june 25th 2018

dishwasher running and thunderstorm outside at the same time....two of the most relaxing sounds....crazy coincidence!!!

june 24th 2018

i remember walking to go get beer and seeing kawhi leonard standing in front of a restaurant i lived near called "jake's famous crawfish" and the spurs team bus was parked there too. then i sat down at one of the outdoor tables and a guy who just got out of jail earlier that day gave me free food (sliders and french fries) and we talked for awhile 

june 24th 2018

craving the feeling of a barber giving me a buzzcut right now but my head shape is too weird 

june 23rd 2018

had the most amazing spaghetti dinner with my mom tonight!!! it wasn't actually spaghetti but close enough we had angel hair pasta with this incredible sauce from a family business that has a booth at the farmers market we had some wine and listened to music too i love my mom

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june 19th 2018

buy a coldcut premade deli sandwich and put apple slices in it

june 19th 2018

missing allston missing boston and all the people and the dirty bathrooms and couches and getting a burrito and a bottle of malibu everyday when i woke up

june 16th 2018

one of our bathroom lights is burnt out and the knob that controls the other light fell off and we can’t find it, so it’s mostly been dark in there for the past week. i’ve been using an iPhone flashlight primarily and trying to imagine it as a bathroom in some modern chic hotel but a few times i’ve been in there with no light at all. it’s grown on me, and i love taking showers in the dark,  but i’m ready for light again 

june 12th 2018

waking up a few hours before your alarm goes off and getting to fall back asleep is one of life’s most beautiful and worthwhile feelings

june 4th 2018

finally gonna have my spaghetti dinner tonight

june 4th 2018

one of the best summertime scents is chlorine

may 15th 2018

i saw my parents old rocking chair on a youtube livestream

may 10th 2018

listening to the allen iverson “practice?” interview and feeling like i’ve experienced a lot of beautiful moments and lived through a lot 

may 5th 2018

bus stop outside of the gun shop

motel green carpet that looks like grass 

may 3rd 2018 

one of the moderators on the nba subreddit is named “catmoon” love it

may 2nd 2018

kid at the park named kyrie told me if you put both of your hands on top of your head it helps you catch your breath faster. i was winded within 5 minutes of our pickup game but i made it through without dying! i've always been able to run fast but never had good endurance, even during my athletic prime. i might have asthma. kyrie got mad at his teammates for not trying hard enough to win. he said he was moving to michigan soon to play college basketball and angrily rode his bike home

may 1st 2018

nostalgic of listening to that playboi carti album on the bus last april on my way to a free dental exam from the dental school and getting a call for a job interview at the flower shop

april 29th 2018

mcdonalds pizza with whipped cream on it

april 27th 2018

in a wild turn of events i now prefer daytime over nighttime (stay tuned tho)

april 26th 2018

enjoyed the nfl draft very much a lot of weird picks and disappointment but everything is ok. i would be the greatest nfl gm of all time let me run a team please! seahawks should've taken courtland sutton and ravens should've taken dj moore. i love kerryon johnson whoever drafts him will be in my top 5 favorite teams most likely unless they are one of my least favorite teams

april 26th 2018

forgot to write i got burgerville after work last night and brought it to the park and ate it there right before it got too dark outside. also, went to this cheap but surreal bar that had carpet floors, a bunch of "grandparents house"-esque armchairs, lamps, and a huge outdoor gravel patio. there was a part of the patio with a roof that looked like a childhood suburban garage with a ping pong table too...

april 26th 2018

looking forward to the nfl draft today...startts in less than an hour. most excitement for a draft that i've had in a long time! its 80 degrees and sunny outside feels pretty nice. i have a vivid memory of watching the 2016 nfl draft at a restaurant downtown and a ton of ambulances drove by with their sirens on.  i hope saquon barkley somehow falls to the buccaneers, otherwise i would love him to get picked by the jets or the colts. really dont want the jets to draft a quarterback because i love teddy bridgewater and he deserves a chance to be a franchise qb!! 

update: i like baker mayfield but picking him first overall seems like a bad choice. barkley to the giants is really good for them. i feel mostly neutral about it. makes the giants a lot cooler for sure. jets drafted a quarterback of course!!!! ugh!!!! wish i had some money in my account so i could go get a subway sandwich or a watermelon from the store 

april 26th 2018

one of my mom's favorite songs is "happy" by pharrell always makes me think of her when i hear it. i love my mom

april 26th 2018

i've been waking up early and drinking much less. big smile

april 25th 2018

saltine crackers are an important food staple...so many things you can do....saltines dipped in applesauce, dark chocolate on saltines, saltine caviar 

april 24th 2018

most of the jobs i’ve had in my life, i have quit on the first day of work, or before even showing up for my first shift. i hope no potential employers are reading this-don’t worry, i’m a changed man! well, i’m trying at least. the biggest qualities i want to focus on building are: following through, persistence, resilience, mental strength, and hard work, amongst many others of course! i am aware that some of those qualities may be redundant, but i need them all. apart from my “career” as an artist, the only job i didn’t quit on the first day was at a candy shop when I was in high school. however, i did neither get fired nor quit this job, i just simply stopped going. that was my first job! since then, every other job i’ve tried, from being a dishwasher at a retirement home, to stocking at Macy’s, to driving delivery for a sandwich place, have all led to immediate dread, depression, panic, stomachaches, and suicidal urges within the first shift. i’ve been lucky to have my creative work allow me to get by and pay the bills, but i want a longterm future. i want to be a better, more responsible person. i want to have a family and a stable career. i don’t want to be famous, i want to have enough money to go to community college. i already backed out of what was supposed to be my actual first day of this job, but today is my first shift and i am two hours in. i just need to make it through this shift! 

april 23rd 2018

i need to be better

april 22nd 2018

barbecue scent outside sunny day start my new part time job tomorrow morning

april 19th 2018

i love basketball (copy paste 1000 times everyday for the next year)

april 18th 2018

i haven't done as well as i should have in life but hey i'll just pretend i was born just now, this is my first minute ever being awake. also, i feel bad because i have been too immersed in the NBA playoffs during the time I've been here visiting my mom. i am very frustrated with the blazers!!! had some good beet soup for dinner tonight though and had a great time talking to my dad and older brother on Sunday night. plus i got to see my other brother on Saturday and we had dinner and shared a 6 pack of Rainers and watched the Blazers game (they lost) and I got to see my baby nephew Anthony he was funny and running around and laughing a lot even though it was past his bedtime but the dogs woke him up

april 17th 2018

this song makes me cry makes me miss my childhood  it is seriously crushing

 

april 17th 2018

sportscenter is the most comforting thing in the world

april 9th 2018

i miss quiznos the sub sandwich restaurant would love so much to have a quiznos sandwich right now

april 4th 2018

had some honeysuckle peach wine, cranberry walnut cheese and crackers today…don’t usually have things like that but i wanted it to be a special day plus the concept of a “wine and cheese night” is sort of funny. finally went to the mall…beautiful feeling! i went through a period where malls made me depressed, but after not being in one for so long it was refreshing. just walking around stores and the food court. we moved around some furniture in the apartment and threw away some boxes so there’s more open space now…my short term goal is to get a 4x6 rug (not too big not too small) because it would look nice on the open floor…i wish i had more money! not to mention i spend the money i do have on things that i shouldn’t like beer and fast food. went to the bar afterwards and some people at a table near mine were talking about babysitting. one of them was talking about a particular kid who was scared of the dark. i wrote down in my notes a phrase she said, “the man in the wall” 

overall i had a really good day and felt happy

april 3rd 2018

for awhile now i have been craving to do homework

i just want a packet of homework 

please

april 2nd 2018

i had already been thinking about this, but after talking for awhile with my neighbor last night, i may try to start a sports blog. separately from this blog...or just in it's own tab i guess! i had three dreams growing up: be a professional athlete, work in a doctors office, or be a sportswriter. it would be nice to have a piled up archive of writing and little articles. i am not sure exactly where i want to take this. i have a ton of ideas! i don't always follow through on things so that's why i am posting this here

april 1st 2018

having to be an adult is the most cruel thing ever

april 1st 2018

 

march 28th 2018

my bank account is overdrawn i have negative 49 dollars i hope someday i can make $50,000 a year thats all i want and to rent a small house with a backyard and slanted ceilings

march 28th 2018

thinking about calling apples "apps" from now on (talking about the fruit)

march 25th 2018

is heaven just one long dream?

march 16th 2018

in the ethiopian store down the street that i frequently go to they are uncharacteristically blasting music extremely loud and i can hear rick ross saying “i got a chopper in the car" a bunch of times in a row

march 15th 2018

sorry it has been awhile since an update! i am not sure how many people, if anyone, even reads or cares about this page anyway, but i enjoy writing on here and it’s important for me to do it…so, sorry to myself really! one month ago, on valentines day, morgan and i visited the oregon humane society and met Buttercup, a sweet and funny cat! we came back the next day to adopt her! i’ve always wanted my own cat- i can’t believe its actually happened. the major reason why i was able to finally go through with it is because i met one of my neighbors, named alex, at the dive bar across the street. awhile ago, another one of my neighbors was trying to knock down front doors and screaming in the hallway a day after he was released from the mental hospital. alex lives in an emergency exit apartment so his door has glass around the handle. the man was looking for his mother and punched through the glass around the handle. there was blood all over the hallway! our landlord had to come check it out and alex secretly has a cat, which he had to let our landlord know about. i was told it was a no pet apartment building before moving in. it turns out our landlord doesn’t really care! anyway, buttercup was sick for awhile but doing much better now. buttercup loves to stick her paw in cups of water and knock them over. she loves to sit on the windowsill and she loves to roll around and meow. today we took a beautiful walk to the grocery store and got some fruits + vegetables. i had an uber driver that had wifi in his car and let me stream the final few minutes of the blazers game on my laptop

february 11th 2018

bunk bed simpsons road rage baseball cards on floor video game magazines open closet door jack the ripper dial up computer in loft recording of dad yelling toy basketball hoop mole traps in yard tv shows in family room back scratching mural in dining room brother throwing phone brother punching hole in the wall because other brother played bob dylan too loud baseball video games baltimore orioles on sick day crawling under the deck christmas presents crash bandicoot gold star calendar front yard chains 

early morning calls 40 oz olde english mailing envelopes race cars in hallway neighbor with dog towel on bathroom floor throwing up in driveway driving around west hills 5 am waiting for oregon coast paper pumpkin black blanket corner store 1 and corner store 2 when it gets too late ordering food on phone picking up at roxy piano in street burgerville dutchbros playing tennis outside the college getting locked out lentilsoup and rice emergency room cold showers adderall  

february 10th 2018

it gets late so quickly! time passes fast. but i'm having fun and feeling good 

february 6th 2018

i had a good time visiting my mom and dad i want to write more about them soon. when i got back home there was blood all over the apartment building walls and carpet. i'm glad everyone i was concerned about is safe though. i want everyone to be okay in general but there are people i am concerned about more than others- i am sorry! everyone must feel that way though right?

february 5th 2018

i would love to have a tiny house someday. just a nice small house with a backyard maybe and slanted ceilings

february 3rd 2018

i want to sing karoake once a month

february 1st 2018

buffalo wild wings uniform

january 31st 2018

the smoke detector is low on battery and has been letting out a beep every 30 seconds. last night in my dream the opening piano notes to "runaway" by kanye west started playing but then i woke up and realized it was just the smoke detector chirping 

january 28th 2018

lucky to be here today!

january 27th 2018 

i had a dream that i was at my childhood friend’s house, we were upstairs. he had a gun in his hand and kept pointing it at himself, then at me. he did this for awhile as i begged him to stop. i woke up alive! 

january 26th 2018

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january 22nd 2018

bus driver waves goodbye to baby in a stroller

the heater feels nice on my legs

january 22nd 2018

lunch sandwich

january 18th 2018

one of my favorite feelings is sending a song to someone and then listening to it as if you were them

january 15th 2018

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january 15th 2018

stefon diggs game winning touchdown catch last night must've been the most beautiful thing i've ever seen...brings me to tears

january 15th 2018

i can hear a chainsaw coming from the basement 

january 10th 2018

i thought i had invented the joke "bohemian rack city"....tragic turn of events

january 10th 2018

maybe i will stay up until 5 am, the most beautiful time!

january 9th 2018

whats updog?

january 9th 2018

i had a beautiful time watching the college football national championship game last night and eating salad

january 9th 2018

my favorite shows i've watched lately are Midnight Diner: Toyko Stories, The Good Doctor, and Devilman Crybaby....check em out! I am happy to be finally starting some new shows after watching the same few over and over for years. ADHD makes it hard to begin new things! I need to start watching movies now!

january 6th 2018

i have been craving to go to the mall lately...just for the atmosphere! i've been thinking about it a lot. nothing really i want to do there...just walk around i guess

january 6th 2018

had a call with someone from the community college yesterday i should be starting classes in the springtime if all goes well...amazing!

january 6th 2018

doing the laundry, about to watch some playoff football, maybe make a sandwich, and living with the love of my life! i feel pretty good today and so far this year!

january 3rd 2018

its a little bit past midnight i am eating a burnt quesadilla i love our new furniture it's not perfect but there's something special about it. maybe i can make the quesadilla softer if i run it under the sink

january 2nd 2018

2018 will be a beautiful year! positive thinking!

december 30th 2017

headed to the airport !!!!! 

december 27th 2017

i wish i knew how to stop the pain in my stomach! it's been the worst episode in awhile tonight! i have had terrible problems with my stomach since i was a little kid. i remember the first time it happened being curled up on the bathroom floor in agony and wondering if it would ever go away. i still have vivid memories of the bad ones even from almost 10 years ago! it helps a little bit when i drag my nails across my thighs or shoulder or wrist over and over...i think that occupies my mind with a different pain slightly, for a split second. having on a podcast or the radio helps a bit too, it doesn't stop the pain, but its comforting. in middle school there was a specific episode of south park that i would watch on my iPod that would have the same effect, it wouldn't really help, but it made the experience a tiny bit easier, maybe just by placebo. i have these awful stomach aches fairly often, but not really in a consistent pattern. some days are ok, even some whole weeks if i'm lucky! i keep track of the most painful stomachaches like its a sport or like theres going to be an award show. it is really debilitating i am scared everytime i am out of the house. it is hard to be around anyone unless i am very very comfortable with them and think they would understand why i might have to leave or be alone for awhile. i am so scared of the pain even when i'm alone. when it happens it gives me anxiety too for multiple reasons which only makes things worse. usually it's triggered by eating, no specific foods though. i am sorry to complain on here, but the pain has been so bad at times that i've thought i'd rather be dead than feel it. i have been to the hospital many times and to so many doctors throughout my life but nothing has really helped. generally the most logical answer is IBS. but it seems more complicated than that...either way, i hate this disease! i do read forums about IBS and it ruins the lives of so many people! i know i am being a little brief (i should be more detailed) but i want to keep this condensed and plus it is a little bit embarrassing to talk about for me!  if anyone struggles with the same thing please send me an email, especially if you have any tips or things that have helped you. thank you 

december 25th 2017

i cant believe christmas is over it is scary how time passes but everyone says that. i had a conversation with an uber driver (car ride service) about how fast time has been going and i asked him if it was maybe a scientific reason and we talked about that. i assume it's just part of getting older but you never know. my brother and i lost in our fantasy football championship by 3 points in the most frustrating way but oh well at least its kind of funny

december 25th 2017

i love my mom so so so much

december 23rd 2017

at my moms apartment watching the vikings game on tv i am happy to be here for the holidays

december 23rd 2017

only a week until morgan gets back to oregon!!!! 

december 22nd 2017

my neighbor is having a party and has been playing the entire "carter 3" album by lil wayne loudly all night. i love that album it has good memories attached for me so i don't mind 

december 19th 2017

its a tragic life huh? (sheesh, i need to be more positive on here!)

december 19th 2017

i do enjoy nice things like hashbrowns and dumb songs

december 19th 2017

im still young but it feels like my life went too fast

december 19th 2017

it is pouring rain today i woke up feeling sick. it is grey and it was so windy that my window was rattling but the power didn't go out. the orange lighting is nice and comforting in here today

december 18th 2017

everytime i walk home from the bar it looks like there is a person standing in the dark underneath the church but it's just a tall plant

december 18th 2017

i am going to drink some beers tonight and feel self conscious about my appearance and feel like my face is too fat during my haircut tomorrow 

december 18th 2017

i have been workshopping this joke...

carbohydrates???...hmmm(here we go).....they should actually be called carbo-dehydrates!!! when i'm thirsty im going to grab a gatorade....not a loaf of bread !!! 

december 18th 2017

great news, my brother and i won in the semi finals of our fantasy football league and are going to be in the championship game! cant believe the season is almost over though! 

december 18th 2017

december 18th 2017

being on an amtrak train is one of my favorite feelings in the world. they have a cafe car and a lot of bathrooms. it was terrible, surreal, and chilling to hear about the train that derailed today. multiple deaths and many injuries. i've taken that same train (the 501) from seattle to portland multiple times! i have also been on a train going home to seattle that struck and killed someone on the tracks. tell your loved ones that you love them! cherish your life! but don't live in fear either!

december 16th 2017

juul talk! 

december 16th 2017

i wish i could wake up 10 years ago i wish i could live my life differently. i wish i could wake up 5 years ago and live my life differently. i could make things perfect and beautiful i could live my wildest dreams i could live in heaven. but i wouldn't want to lose the most important person in my life today

december 14th 2017

theres no reason to hate anything (for the most part)

december 13th 2017

a voice memo from 3 years ago playing a broken guitar

december 13th 2017

i love the dentists chair it is so comfortable. i would love to get one at home to sleep in and throw away my bed...

december 13th 2017

i just want to document things that are special to me and spend time with my loved ones. i want to mind my own business and work at a doctor's office and have a family someday

december 13th 2017

i feel excited about the groceries i got today and about posting on my website!

december 13th 2017

my upstairs neighbor got a drum set it is so loud i started punching the wall and screaming into my pillow

december 13th 2017

wanna be an apple tree for halloween?

december 13th 2017

talking about fantasy football with my brother makes me happy!

december 13th 2017

watching dj akademiks videos for therapy

december 12th 2017

it feels like this year never happened
my dad told me he feels lonely at airports when we were walking through the tunnel system underneath the mall  
i wish i got to spend more time with him on his birthday
he keeps my grandparents ashes in his apartment next to pictures of them
he made a joke about living with his parents
i just want him to be happy
we watched a baseball game on tv and i ate a rotisserie chicken at the bar

december 12th 2017

next year

december 12th 2017

i feel excited

december 12th 2017

beginning